These “information” products focus on giving you advice on dealing with people, but ignore the extreme importance of your inner sensitive spots and stress reactions.

I’ve found that many people just want someone to TELL them how to deal with difficult people. But after [...]]]> Why Advice from Books, Articles, Talks
or Teleseminars Don’t Produce REAL Change

These “information” products focus on giving you advice on dealing with people, but ignore the extreme importance of your inner sensitive spots and stress reactions.

I’ve found that many people just want someone to TELL them how to deal with difficult people. But after they receive that advice, they usually find it hard to follow through and turn it into constructive action simply because their emotions get in the way and create a lack of assertiveness.

In fact, I’ve discovered that providing information or “advice” alone usually doesn’t translate into positive action or successful results.

In other words, knowing what you SHOULD do about an interpersonal problem is simply NOT ENOUGH to solve the problem!

This is because advice or information alone can NEVER give you the inner feeling of confidence and the assertiveness skills you MUST HAVE in order to deal with people successfully.

Furthermore, advice is usually much too general to address your SPECIFIC situation or too weak to really change your inner beliefs about people, especially if your situation is loaded with anxiety, frustration or stress.

Someone telling you things you SHOULD do might be interesting, but it’s NOT going to change your habitual behaviors, reactions and emotions (which are undermining your success).

The ONLY way to to generate the confidence and assertiveness skills you need to be TRULY successful with people is through a shift on the inside, to FREE you from anxiety, frustration and stress and tap into your personal strength and power.

… discover how to produce REAL change

The most successful people in business aren’t the ones who possess special skills or knowledge. They’re the ones who can confidently communicate with people and arouse in them a spirit of cooperation [...]]]> If there is ONE skill in life that guarantees success in life, it’s knowing how to be assertive, confident and effective with people.

The most successful people in business aren’t the ones who possess special skills or knowledge. They’re the ones who can confidently communicate with people and arouse in them a spirit of cooperation …whether it’s an employee, a boss, a coworker, a customer, a client in your business or a business partner.

You may want a better relationship or a less stressful work environment, but if you can’t resolve conflicts and issues with people successfully, you will never truly achieve the positive results you want.

You may have good ideas, but if you can’t enlist the support and willingness of others, those ideas aren’t going to be accepted or acted upon, no matter who you’re dealing with.

Good people skills produce good results… in any walk of life.

After years of experience I realized that the UNDERLYING TRUTH about why we have so much difficulty being successful when dealing with people and relationships is…

Your automatic unconscious reactions prevent you from being confident and assertive!

That’s right! I’ve learned that no matter how much information you have and no matter how much you know about dealing with people, if you try to deal with people while feeling even slightly angry, afraid, unhappy or stressed, you will always AUTOMATICALLY do the wrong thing!

If you say or do anything from a negative emotion, you will always have a negative outcome in the end …Even if you had good intentions in the first place!

The reason that people FEEL difficult to deal with is precisely because they trigger our negative emotions. In other words, they “push our buttons” …even momentarily.

When someone pushes our buttons they are touching a sensitive spot in us, which triggers a negative emotional reaction. The result is the “fight or flight response” – we either feel angry and annoyed at the person or we want to escape and avoid them.

We can also have a “freeze” response, which is often experienced as a momentary lack of confidence or an inability to be assertive.

These reactions are instinctual and automatic self-preservation responses, which are deeply programmed within your psyche.

Numerous psychological studies have shown that the stress emotions, such as anger, frustration, anxiety or fear, interfere with your performance. In other words, your negative emotions actually interfere with your ability to solve problems and your ability to show assertive behavior.

Most people can understand this when the emotion is extremely intense… Just think about “stage fright” and how it affects someone’s performance. But most people don’t realize that even BRIEF negative emotions cause us to be ineffective, too, by making us say and do things that we regret later.

But it gets even worse!

These momentary emotions cause you to say things that you wish you hadn’t said, or make impulsive decisions that you later regret.

Then, your negative reactions, even small ones, trigger negative emotions in the other person! And in the exact same way, the person you are dealing with reacts negatively as well.

It all develops into a nice little vicious cycle that I call, “The Difficult People Tango”.

Sound familiar? Watch for it. You’ll see it in the way people react to someone who is being difficult.

But you DON’T have to be caught in your automatic reactions any longer…and it all starts with this one simple concept!

There is a hidden source of power within you.

Within each of us there is a secret reserve of creativity, wisdom and power that can come to your aid, if you know how to tap into it.

I became aware of this phenomenon during my years of work using clinical hypnosis with my patients. It always amazed me to see the things that people were capable of doing in hypnosis… things they had NO IDEA could ever be possible!

This hidden power can also appear in times of crisis. For example, Bob, a friend of mine, fell off the ferry into the ocean without anyone seeing him.

Nearly drowning, he heard a calm clear voice speak to him, “300 strokes, Bob… 300 strokes”. Bob miraculously found reserves of strength from within to swim over 8 1/2 hours throughout the night until he was eventually rescued the next morning!

I experienced the phenomenon myself when I was struggling with a difficult relationship issue. Using a particular therapy technique on myself, I experienced a sudden change… a feeling of calm came over me… followed by a feeling of strength welling up from within!

I had discovered how to tap into my unconscious reservoir of strength and confidence in the face of a difficult interpersonal issue.

These sudden experiences of creativity, strength and confidence are what I call the “Wellspring Phenomenon”.

… learn how to use the Wellspring Phenomenon to enhance your success

Instead, take it a step further and actually CHANGE the way you feel and react! You’ll find that it makes a HUGE difference.

Here’s why…

By now you’ve probably read about the “Difficult People Tango” that I describe in Chapter [...]]]> Here’s an important concept… You should not just “read about” dealing with difficult people.

Instead, take it a step further and actually CHANGE the way you feel and react! You’ll find that it makes a HUGE difference.

Here’s why…

By now you’ve probably read about the “Difficult People Tango” that I describe in Chapter 1 of “Secrets of Dealing with Difficult People”.

I’d like you to be aware of just how often these negative cycles can occur when you’re interacting with people (and not just difficult people).

Every time you have an argument with someone, even a minor one, or get mad at someone, you are experiencing the Difficult People Tango.

Each time you feel irritated by the same person more than three times in a week, even if you don’t say anything to them, you are probably experiencing the Difficult People Tango.

In fact, the Difficult People Tango can even take place inside our heads! Do you ever lay awake at night replaying a negative situation with someone and feeling your emotions getting triggered all over again?!

These negative interactional patterns all have one thing in common: Your negative emotions (i.e., anxiety, frustration, anger, feeling stressed, etc.) are being TRIGGERED by something that the other person is saying or doing – by some specific type of behavior of theirs…

…and without realizing it, your reaction (produced by your emotions) is very likely triggering some kind of negative reaction in them as well – even if your behavior is as minor as “just avoiding” them or being “cool” towards them.

The Difficult People Tango often takes place unconsciously, outside of our awareness. But you can become more aware of it simply by observing your emotional reactions to people.

When you feel anxious, or irritated, or stressed by someone, just make a mental note of it and then try to figure out EXACTLY what the other person is doing that is triggering these feelings in you.

Now, it’s very likely that your natural inclination will be to immediately try to get the other person to stop doing the thing that is triggering you …but that’s NOT the place to start. In fact, that’s the way to fail.

The place to start is with the Wellspring Method, which I’ve described for you in detail in the book.

What you should be aware of, however, is that I originally developed the Wellspring Method as an interactional coaching system in my office.

In other words, if you were here with me in my office, I’d be leading you through a series of steps and exercises that would help you shift out of your triggered negative emotions into a state of strength, confidence and calmness as you pictured dealing with the difficult person.

I encourage you to go ahead and use the guided Wellspring Method online and become even better at dealing with difficult people and stressful situations in your life.

Live Powerfully!
Dr Lauderdale

It IS possible to create a positive change in your relationship with someone, even though the difficult person is behaving in some socially inappropriate way – harassing, bullying, [...]]]> Dealing with difficult people may seem like the LAST thing you’d ever want to do in your life …and yet, it doesn’t have to be that way.

It IS possible to create a positive change in your relationship with someone, even though the difficult person is behaving in some socially inappropriate way – harassing, bullying, controlling, backstabbing, gossiping, complaining, being rude, unmotivated, uncooperative or negative.

Of course, in a brief article it’s impossible for me to tell you exactly how to handle difficult behavior in every situation.

However, here are a few general principles from my book, ‘Secrets of Dealing With Difficult People’ that will give you some ideas for dealing with difficult people and behavior of ANY kind.

First, Target the Specific Problem Behavior

It’s pointless trying to categorize difficult people into “difficult personality types”. No one is EVER going to fit ANY category perfectly.

Furthermore, you can’t change someone’s basic personality, so why bother classifying them.

It’s much more useful to target the SPECIFIC behavior that is bothering you. You will need avoid the temptation to attach a negative label to the person in order to do this.

It makes no difference whether you are dealing with a difficult employee in the workplace or a difficult relationship at home. Be specific …and decide that it is possible for them to learn how to behave differently!

Next, Be Clear About Your Goal

Most people do not take the time to formulate a positive outcome goal …or they phrase it in a negative way such as, “I just want them to stop being so difficult!”

It works far better to take a few moments to become clear about the way you want things to be. In other words, what positive behavior do you want the other person to be showing? …providing helpful suggestions instead of criticism? …responding to your requests instead of ignoring you? …collaborating instead of bullying? …and so on.

Some people have been reluctant to set a goal like this. They say, “I can’t change another person”. It’s true that you cannot change someone’s basic personality and it’s also true that you can’t CONTROL a person.

…But you CAN influence them. And you will stand the best chance of influencing them if you have a positive outcome in mind that will benefit them as well as you – this is your positive goal.

Eliminate Your Negative Emotions

You cannot produce a positive change from a negative emotional state. I can’t overestimate the importance of this point.

When you react to a person’s difficult behavior out of your own anger, frustration, anxiety or fear, etc. you will ALWAYS do the wrong thing …automatically!

It’s the way our brains are wired. If you have negative feelings, you will do negative things …and you will just make things worse.

I have developed a personal empowerment system called the Wellspring Method described in my book, ‘Secrets of Dealing With Difficult People’ that is very effective for transforming negative emotional reactions and stress into constructive positive emotions when dealing with difficult people and stressful situations.

Create a Learning Experience to Motivate the Other Person to Change

Most people try to eliminate the problem behavior right away. Big Mistake! The other person will just resist, so give up the idea of trying to stop it cold.

Instead, think about modifying it or influencing it. Think of something you can consistently do, or some way of changing the circumstances, so that the behavior becomes more of a problem for THEM.

…And furthermore, that the escape from the nuisance or problem you’ve created is through the desired behavior you want instead (your goal).

For example, every time the person criticizes you, you can calmly and in an educational way, remind them that criticism won’t obtain your cooperation, but that helpful suggestions probably will.

You’ll have to be patient and persistent and create the nuisance every time they engage in the target behavior.

Over time, if you maintain a respectful positive attitude towards the person and create the nuisance every time they engage in the target behavior while clearly pointing to a resolution through the desired behavior, you will start to see the positive change you want.

Reinforce the Positive Change

As soon as the other person starts to modify their behavior for the better, reinforce it. Don’t say negative things like, “You should have been doing this all along” or “It’s about time”.

Be glad to see even minor improvements and let them know that you are surprised and impressed that they were willing to make a change for you.

Commenting on positive effort and improvement in behavior is especially true when dealing with a difficult employee in the workplace where criticism of performance is so often considered to be “normal”.

Having worked with people for over 20 years as a psychiatrist I realized that being successful with people does not come from having a bag of tricks or tips or techniques to use with “this type of person” or “that type of problem”.

What resulted in me having great success in dealing with difficult people of all kinds was learning how to make a shift in my “inner reality” first …and THEN creating positive change from this new way of seeing things.

In my eBook “Secrets of Dealing with Difficult People”, I go into detail teaching you this very special perspective and understanding.

I’ll describe my step-by-step process call ‘The Wellspring Method’, which will help you shift out of your old ways of thinking and into a new awareness and attitude that generates phenomenal results with people.

It’s like having x-ray vision while everyone else fumbles around in the dark!

I highly recommend that you read it. It has many useful concepts that will help you approach people with confidence, know what to say and bring out the best in others to achieve the kind of satisfying workplace and successful relationships you want.

You can obtain your ebook (or soft cover book) right now and be flipping through the pages on your computer in a matter a minutes.

Here is the Table of Contents…

Secrets of Dealing with Difficult People
Table of Contents

 

Part 1: The Key to Understanding Difficult People
Chapter 1: How Difficult People Control You
Chapter 2: How Difficult People Push Your Buttons

Part 2: Feeling Good First… The Wellspring Method
Chapter 3: How to Target the Problem Behavior
Chapter 4: How to Get Clear About What You Want
Chapter 5: How to Stay Calm and Be Confident
Chapter 6: How to Think Through Your Plan

Part 3: Creating Change with Difficult Coworkers, Bosses, Employees, Clients & Relationships
Chapter 7: Your Decision to Create Change
Chapter 8: Things You Should Never Do
Chapter 9: Essential First Steps
Chapter 10: How to Handle Conflict, Complaints, Verbal Abuse and Noncollaboration
Chapter 11: How to Deal with Bullying, Harassment, Gossip, Office Politics and Controlling People

Your No-Risk Guarantee!

You have a 100% satisfaction guarantee – if you’re not completely happy with your purchase for ANY reason, simply contact us anytime within one year. You’ll receive a FULL REFUND with no questions asked. This is truly a 100% risk-free offer.

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‘Secrets of Dealing with Difficult People’

Unlike other books, this 201-page book shows you a tested systematic method to help you calmly and confidently create the positive change you want when dealing with difficult people.

Order Now!

“WOW!! It’s like a light came on for me. I can now see where I contributed to a problem and what I could have and should have done differently to ensure a better outcome.

I will definitely use your method in all my future endeavors. I will practice the techniques and am sure I can turn situations around in the future for the benefit of everyone. This is a great value!! Thank You So Much.”

- Linda Edwards, Purchasing Agent

Live Powerfully!

Mark Lauderdale MD FRCPC
Psychiatrist and Personal Effectiveness Consultant

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dr Lauderdale is a psychiatrist and personal effectiveness coach in private practice who has a special interest in helping people deal with life challenges powerfully and effectively.