“How do you deal with staff who are constantly “starting fires”? Nothing is ever fair, etc.”

My Response…

You should first target the exact behavior that the person is doing when they “start fires”. Are they complaining to other staff members about issues and stirring up resentment? Are they being abrasive [...]]]> Question From a Reader…

“How do you deal with staff who are constantly “starting fires”? Nothing is ever fair, etc.”

My Response…

You should first target the exact behavior that the person is doing when they “start fires”. Are they complaining to other staff members about issues and stirring up resentment? Are they being abrasive or annoying to coworkers who then come to you for assistance? Are they engaging in gossip or backstabbing?

You need to identify the behavior because the next step is be clear about the behavior you want to see instead.

For the sake of discussion, let’s say the “fire starter” is complaining to people and stirring up dissatisfaction. Your positive goal would be to help them register complaints in a more appropriate way and relate to coworkers in a more optimistic manner.

In general, you want to make the problem behavior become more of a problem or a nuisance for THEM while making the constructive behavior become easier and more rewarding.

How could you do that? One idea is to have a discussion with the “fire starter” and point out that they seem to be very good at spotting problems in the workplace. Then, put them to work for 1 hour every day writing out in detail (in a private area) ALL of the things that they see wrong with the business or the current workplace.

After they have done that, have them start to work on writing out in detail five constructive ideas they could propose for solving each of the problems they identified.

You should discuss these matters very seriously in great detail and make it genuine hard work for this person. If one of their solutions is missing something or overlooking something important, then point it out to them and have them go back and revise it to take into account the facts that they missed.

This will do a couple of things.

(1) It will make them see that finding solutions is a lot more difficult than just complaining,
(2) It will help them realize that complaining about unimportant things is not worth the extra work that will be required of them, and,
(3) If they have any genuinely valid complaints that really ought to be addressed, then you will now have someone who can help to improve things (be sure to capitalize on this if it happens).

I would have this person do this special problem-solving work for at least several days, but ideally continue until they appear to be running dry and wanted to stop several hours ago.

Then, tell them that if they have any more complaints about unfairness or anything else at ANY time in the future, they should come directly to you so that they can immediately start working on solving the problem with more problem-solving sessions.

Also tell them that if they don’t come to you, then you will assume they are happy with everything and are helping others to feel good about their place of work.

It’s likely that they will complain again to someone else. So, be sure to respond right away and give them more problem-solving sessions to address the problem, but add another problem for them to solve – have them figure out how they are going to complain to you first instead of to their coworkers. Then have them carry out the solutions they came up with.

Do this as many times as necessary until they either improve their behavior or quit.

Whenever they are behaving more appropriately, be sure to compliment them on their positive attitude and constructive contributions. Your goal is to get this positive ball rolling with them.

… Learn more on how to deal with difficult people.

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Live Powerfully!
Dr Mark

Mark Lauderdale MD FRCPC
Psychiatrist and Personal Effectiveness Coach

If you can handle the emotional triggers you can truly clear the way to your personal success.

Take Jill’s [...]]]> What makes a person “difficult” to deal with? Sure, they may have attitudes or behaviours that are frustrating, but the really difficult part is handling your triggered emotions – your anxiety, your stress, your anger, etc.

If you can handle the emotional triggers you can truly clear the way to your personal success.

Take Jill’s situation, for example. Jill felt extremely uncomfortable having to confront her employee about a negative situation at work.

Watch this live and unrehearsed video to discover how Jill used the Wellspring Method to deal with her difficult situation …a situation she had been stewing about for several weeks!

Jill explained that she was the owner of a hair salon with four employees. She needed to talk to one of them about some issues at work, but she was putting it off because she was experiencing a great deal of anxiety over it…  Basically, she was AFRAID of how the employee might react.

I started, as I often do, with the question, “When you’re in this situation in the future, would you rather feel stressed and upset… or strong and confident?”

She smiled… It seems like such a silly question.

And yet, it goes right to the heart of the problem – almost any problem. She went along with it and responded, “Strong and confident”.

Then I asked her how she would like things to be instead. She had to reflect a little longer this time…

…Have you ever noticed how hard it is to see a positive outcome when you’re in the middle of a situation that triggers your stress?

She finally said, “I’d like to be able to discuss issues with my employees whenever they come up without feeling worried or stressed about it”, and she rated her Level of Stress as an 8 out of 10.

By the end of the session, Jill knew, from inside herself, EXACTLY what she was going to do about her situation. She went on to generate positive new ideas for creating a healthy working environment in the future – where issues could be discussed easily at regular weekly get-togethers.

Jill could hardly believe that she could feel so much better and resolve so much in just one hour!

I met with Jill three weeks later. She was the picture of poise and confidence.

Her employee meeting had gone beautifully! The issues had been resolved so easily that she was almost embarrassed to think of how she had created such unrealistic scenarios in her head purely out of worry and stress.

This is what I see ALL THE TIME! … see more success stories

Almost always, once a person eliminates their anger, fear and stress they AUTOMATICALLY become FAR more capable of dealing with their issue.

That was certainly true of Jill. I actually provided no information or ideas whatsoever about how to deal with her “difficult” employees!

Could My Methods Help YOU Resolve Your Difficult People Problem?

If I were to help you with this problem in my office in-person, it would cost you $200 per session and my waiting list is several months long. But because this method works so well, I wanted to find a way to help a lot more people.

So, I recorded my step-by-step method on a set of CDs so you can experience my voice guiding you through the entire process… just as though you were sitting with me in my office!

This step-by-step process is called, The Wellspring Method and it’s now available for you to resolve your problems with a difficult person or manage a stressful situation in your life right away!

This assertiveness training will help you to…

		Influence someone to change their annoying behavior while improving your relationship, not damaging it or making things worse,
		Generate calmness and understanding with someone who is angry,
		Promote healthy communication with people who are reserved, resistant or holding back,
		Remain calm and confident when dealing with someone who is argumentative or critical,
		Resolve conflicts constructively and creatively,
		Deal effectively with controlling people,
		Successfully address gossip, backstabbing, manipulative and disrespectful behavior,
		Turn your anxiety and stress into powerful confidence as you prepare for upcoming challenges or difficult situations,
		Deal with pushy, bossy or attacking behavior,
		Turn your frustration and anger into effective problem-solving.

The next time you’re facing your difficult situation or dealing with that difficult person, would you rather feel angry, stressed and frustrated or calm, strong and confident?

And, in which mental state do you think you’d be more successful when dealing with that person or situation in the future – frustrated and stressed, or strong and confident?

The Wellspring Method can do this for you, but it can also help you generate constructive ideas for dealing with your unique situation that are far more personal, specific and useful than any article you could read or advice you could receive.

Learn How To Turn Problems With People Into Successful Solutions!

Would you like to create a positive change with that stressful situation in your life?

What if you could see the difficult person in your life and NOT feel frustrated, anxious or stressed?

How much would it be worth to you if you could actually get them working WITH you instead of against you?

For less than the price of single coaching session you could be using my step-by-step problem-solving system to create the positive changes you want within the next few hours…

Take Charge and ORDER NOW! because the sooner you act, the sooner you’ll achieve the positive results you want.

… read more

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The Personal Success System that generates the confidence and assertiveness to transform your stressful situations into results you want! It's like having your own personal coach to help you succeed with the people and the stresses in your life! 3CDs, 1DVD, Resource Manual

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