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18. An example of tapping through a difficult problem.
Simply go on to the next episode of the Problem Situation and try again. For example, let's say that your mother has an annoying habit of criticizing you and your usual reaction is to shut down, say nothing, and avoid her for a while. Probably, as you start tapping on the issue, the sequence you visualize would be the same as usual - her criticizing and you shutting down.
However, the avoidance of her does not feel like a satisfactory outcome and bad feelings linger. So, you would just go on to the next "criticism scenario". Perhaps this time you see yourself exploding in anger at her, she is hurt and offended, and you feel terribly guilty. Since this is not a desirable outcome either, you would go on to the next "criticism scenario". Maybe this time you develop a headache so you don't have to face her - again, not very satisfactory.
Let's say you have convinced yourself that she's simply impossible to deal with, so after pursuing more of these scenarios into the future, you go blank and you cannot think of another thing to do. Well, you must realize that time will never stop for anyone no matter how difficult the circumstance, and so, you would visualize your mother continuing to criticize you for months or even years into the future, and there is no one to rescue you. I imagine you would be feeling much worse by this point, but another word for emotional distress is "motivation”.
Eventually, as you start to see the bigger picture (your whole life affected by this person's criticizing), something inside of you would probably shift. You would likely become very serious about changing things. In other words, if your approach is not working now, it never will, so you might as well keep thinking forward into the future for weeks, months, or even years, if necessary, until you start to see a new way.
Perhaps, in the next scenario, you muster up enough courage to tell her quietly, but firmly, that you don't like it when she says things like that, and you will end the conversation if it continues. Perhaps, instead, you simply stop reacting to the situation, as though it is "no big deal" anymore. Since this is occurring entirely in your imagination, you can feel free to let your mind play with a variety of responses until you discover one that seems to work for you. In this way, you can shorten many years of hardship and stress into just a few minutes, and probably arrive at a better solution.
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