How to Deal with Emotional Stress

drmark — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 01:20:47 +0000

Reducing the buildup of emotional stress inside you starts with the way you react to a stressor in the first place. A stressor is any event, situation or person that triggers a negative emotion in you – stress emotions like anger, frustration, annoyance, fear, anxiety, worry, sadness, defeat, overwhelm, etc.

Stop for a moment and think of the main stressor in your life… Is it a stressful situation at work? …dealing with difficult employees? …other difficult people? …a relationship issue? …a health issue? …a performance situation?

Pick one.

Now, ask yourself this, “The next time I’m in this situation again in the future, would I rather feel frustrated, nervous or emotionally stressed… or calm, strong and confident?”

Strong and confident, right? But there’s something even MORE important…

In which mental state do you think you would be more capable of dealing with the situation successfully and produce the kind of positive outcome you want? …frustrated or stressed? …or strong and confident?

Focusing on feeling calm, strong and confident WHEN THE STRESSOR IS HAPPENING not only reduces your level of emotional stress, but also makes it more possible for you to clear up the problem that is CAUSING your stress!

You can do a lot on your own just by practicing feeling strong and confident in stressful situations.

.. Learn how to deal with stress with these advanced techniques

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The Personal Success System that generates the confidence and assertiveness to transform your stressful situations into results you want! It's like having your own personal coach to help you succeed with the people and the stresses in your life! 3CDs, 1DVD, Resource Manual

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Dealing with Difficult Relationships

drmark — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 17:47:17 +0000

Have you ever had the BEST of intentions of addressing an issue with someone and yet, somehow things just went sideways into poor communication and a negative outcome?

If you think about your experiences with people at work or home…

…Have you ever found yourself feeling more and more annoyed and irritated by someone who was being critical or negative to the point that you started to AVOID them… even if avoiding the situation meant an issue didn’t get resolved or a relationship suffered?
…Have you ever felt controlled by someone and that THEIR wants and needs always seemed to be more important than your own, but you felt helpless to find the right words to say?
…Have you ever felt hurt by someone who didn’t accept you or didn’t include you when they SHOULD have?
…Have you ever needed to address the mistakes someone was making, but your anxiety caused you to procrastinate until your stomach turned somersaults? (and you beat yourself up for it later on?)

The Big “Catch 22″ Mistake We All Make

In the past, when I was confronted by someone who was being difficult or challenging, I did what most people do.

I saw the other person as being the cause of my frustration, anxiety or stress and I either avoided them or tried to get them to stop doing what they were doing so that I could feel better.

You know what I’m talking about because you’ve probably done it yourself… I’d say things like:

“When you ___________, it makes me feel ________”,

or, “I don’t like it when you _________________”,

or the big kicker, “If you cared about me, you’d _________________.”

I even memorized relationship rules and techniques from the courses I took, but I found that when the other person “pushed my buttons” I’d end up doing or saying the wrong thing AUTOMATICALLY despite my best intentions!

Eventually, I began to see that this approach wasn’t working very well. I realized that whenever I expressed unhappiness or dissatisfaction it would come across as negativity, criticism or disapproval.

Now, who really WANTS to respond in a positive way to criticism or disapproval? Well, actually… NO ONE!

But it’s so hard… because you literally CANNOT see the right way to approach things when you’re emotions are blinding you.

All you can think about is getting the other person to change their behavior and stop being so difficult!

So, if you try to get the other person to change their behavior when you’re feel stressed or upset, you just end up aggravating them and making things WORSE for yourself… a nice little double bind.

So, what’s the answer?

Well, the solution that I came up with is very interesting, not the way you would usually think about dealing with difficult people. And it’s something that I think might help YOU deal with YOUR difficult people or challenging situations….

The Insight That Changes Everything

Several years ago, I was particularly distressed about a relationship issue, which resulted in me being in a very difficult situation.

It was really getting me down, so I started using a particular therapy method on myself that I had learned.

Instead of trying to come up with a technique to get the other person to stop their behavior (in order to make me feel better), I decided to go the OTHER way… I imagined the WORST case scenario and played it out into the future!

At the beginning things felt worse, but THEN… there was a sudden change… a feeling of calm came over me… followed by a feeling of strength welling up from within me… and then I KNEW that I wasn’t afraid of the worst case scenario any longer.

I later called this experience “the wellspring phenomenon”.

Not being afraid of the worst case scenario allowed me to deal with the situation FAR more effectively after that.

You see, the ONLY power that a difficult person has over you, is to trigger your fears and scare you off… or to trigger your anger and throw you off your game. (By the way, I don’t think they do it on purpose, either. I think it’s just something they learned to do unconsciously because it works.)

Once I realized that the place to start when facing ANY obstacle or challenge (such as a difficult person or a stressful situation), was WITHIN myself, then everything changed.

Instead of focusing on the other person’s difficult behavior, I started focusing on my reactions to their behavior FIRST. Once that was dealt with, the rest was MUCH easier.

This simple shift in thinking changed my focus, took me in a new direction and ultimately led to my success in dealing with people of all kinds… difficult or otherwise.

A Breakthrough In Personal Effectiveness With People

Once I recognized the importance of the wellspring phenomenon, I wanted to see if I could help my patients experience it for themselves… Maybe it would help them deal with difficult people and stressful situations more effectively too.

So, I decided to see what would happen if I blended together as many personal empowerment and success methods as possible into a structured step-by-step process for dealing with difficult people and stressful situations.

The methods that I used included goal setting, hypnosis techniques, mental rehearsal, motivational techniques, cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), neurolinguistic programming (NLP), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), stress management, affirmations and several other personal success strategies.

I called it “The Wellspring Method”.

Not only did I find that this blend of strategies helped ME deal with my life challenges easier, but when I used it in my office, my clients LOVED the rapid results!

I now use the Wellspring Method in my office every day to help people deal with ALL KINDS of difficult people and situations and to create positive changes in their interpersonal issues much more rapidly than with regular approaches.

Next, I recorded the Wellspring Method onto a set of audio CDs called ‘Shrink in a Box’ and included several more stress management techniques and assertiveness skills simply because we are far more capable of solving problems and taking effective action when we feel strong and confident instead of stressed, anxious or upset.

I refined this system through 58 revisions to include only the most essential and powerful strategies and the most clear and easy-to-follow instructions.

Then… I tested the audio recordings of this guided step-by-step process in a field study with the general public (with people like you) who were facing difficult real life situations…

88% expressed a high degree of satisfaction with the program,
87% expressed a significant or complete resolution of their difficult situation within a few weeks,
88% experienced significantly greater confidence in dealing with their challenging situation or person, and
100% experienced a reduction in stress emotions (anxiety, overwhelm, frustration, stress, etc.).

These results were impressive because with this method most people were able to deal with a difficult person or clear up a difficult situation in their lives about 4 times faster than regular counseling!

… see details about the Shrink in a Box Personal Problem Solver and how it can help with the relationships in your life

Articles Home Page

drmark — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 22:27:54 +0000

In the ARTICLES (listed on the left) you will find new ideas, helpful suggestions and good information on how to deal with difficult people and problems in your life more effectively.

I invite you to ask questions, make comments and provide your own helpful insights and suggestions for the benefit of others.

But before you dive into the articles, audios and videos on this site, I want to share an important principle that will be crucial to your personal success.

An Important Principle for Personal Success

If you’ve been to other websites to learn how to deal with people you’ve probably heard them say things like, “It’s important to keep your cool” or “Choose your response instead of reacting” or “Stay calm when your buttons are being pushed”.

How important is this? It’s EXTREMELY important. In fact, it’s everything! (well, it’s 90%) Unfortunately, no one tells you how to do this.

When we are angry, stressed or triggered, we automatically and unconsciously say and do the wrong things (even if we are aware of the things we’re supposed to do).

However, when we are calm, strong and confident we automatically say and do the right things.

The fundamental principle is this… “The degree of success we have with the people in our lives is directly related to our ability to manage our emotional reactions to them.”

How easy is it to just not react? It’s not easy. It’s difficult. That’s why we call them “difficult people”.

If you experience a significant level of annoyance, frustration or anxiety when you think about someone’s difficult behavior, then you know that just “remaining calm” is not as easy as it seems at first glance… at least not if the person continues being difficult for any length of time.

That’s why I created the Wellspring Method.

Feel Good First, Then Deal With Your Situation

If you can learn a quick and reliable way to shift out of your triggered negative emotions into a state of strength, confidence and well-being whenever you are dealing with stressful situations or difficult people, you will be far more successful with everything.

Try my guided Shrink in a Box Personal Problem Solver and see what I mean. You just might be able to turn your current situation into a successful outcome!

Live Powerfully!
Mark Lauderdale MD FRCPC

Difficult People Case Examples

drmark — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 05:56:22 +0000

Here are just a few examples of rapid positive change with the Wellspring Method…

“This method helped me to put the demands of work into perspective. People have known that I’ve been stressed about the pressures and expectations of my job for awhile now, but the program helped me learn to take things much less personally. It worked a lot better than I thought it would in the beginning and I was really impressed that my issue could be resolved so quickly! It’s like issues that are stressing you just become non-issues, so you can get on with enjoying life.”

- Ron Betuba
Customer Care Representative

Helpful Tip… Ron felt “stressed” at work and not sure what to do about it. By simply targeting the specific behaviors in his coworkers and supervisor that were triggering him, he was able to understand the source of his stress and then clear up the issues one by one.

“I was experiencing a problem dealing with conflict both at home and at work. After using the Wellspring Method I am very pleased with the results. I found it to be tremendously helpful and encouraging, strongly recommending it for anyone.”

- Charles Dunwood
Teaching Assistant for Special Needs Students

Helpful Tip… Charles discovered that learning not to be afraid of conflict or anger caused other people to simply stop using this tactic on him to get their way.

“My ex-husband was a negative disapproving person. I used to think ‘I’m a loser’, but the Wellspring Method has given me the confidence to believe in myself. I can now feel good and enjoy life as I become healthy and financially free. This is THANKS to your program and knowing there are people in this great world of ours, like yourself, who can really make a difference in other peoples’ lives.”

- Betty Gilford
Financial Representative

Helpful Tip… Betty’s bullying ex-husband was good at making her feel small and unimportant. She learned how to tap into her wellspring of strength and confidence to stand up for the consideration and respect she deserved.

… see more examples

Because I wanted to help more people than just those who walk through the door of my office, I decided to publish a book online and make it available to YOU for instant access.

The book is called “Secrets of Dealing with Difficult People”.

I’ve learned that most people do exactly the WRONG things in most situations with “difficult” people. In my book, I’ll teach you the RIGHT things to do.

If you don’t have a clue about how to handle a difficult person, and would like to clear up your situation effectively, this book will help you.

If you already have fairly well-developed interpersonal skills, this book will make you better.

You might be dealing with a difficult person at work or at home or somewherein the community. That’s fine. Whatever your situation, this book will help you.

By the way, this isn’t just a collection of tips and advice. It’s a step-by-step method, a tried and tested system that you can use to solve all sorts of relationship dilemmas.

… see some of the secrets inside the dealing with difficult people book

Why Advice Doesn’t Work

drmark — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 00:58:23 +0000

Why Advice from Books, Articles, Talks
or Teleseminars Don’t Produce REAL Change

These “information” products focus on giving you advice on dealing with people, but ignore the extreme importance of your inner sensitive spots and stress reactions.

I’ve found that many people just want someone to TELL them how to deal with difficult people. But after they receive that advice, they usually find it hard to follow through and turn it into constructive action simply because their emotions get in the way and create a lack of assertiveness.

In fact, I’ve discovered that providing information or “advice” alone usually doesn’t translate into positive action or successful results.

In other words, knowing what you SHOULD do about an interpersonal problem is simply NOT ENOUGH to solve the problem!

This is because advice or information alone can NEVER give you the inner feeling of confidence and the assertiveness skills you MUST HAVE in order to deal with people successfully.

Furthermore, advice is usually much too general to address your SPECIFIC situation or too weak to really change your inner beliefs about people, especially if your situation is loaded with anxiety, frustration or stress.

Someone telling you things you SHOULD do might be interesting, but it’s NOT going to change your habitual behaviors, reactions and emotions (which are undermining your success).

The ONLY way to to generate the confidence and assertiveness skills you need to be TRULY successful with people is through a shift on the inside, to FREE you from anxiety, frustration and stress and tap into your personal strength and power.

… discover how to produce REAL change

Lack of Assertiveness and What To Do About It

drmark — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 00:43:01 +0000

If there is ONE skill in life that guarantees success in life, it’s knowing how to be assertive, confident and effective with people.

The most successful people in business aren’t the ones who possess special skills or knowledge. They’re the ones who can confidently communicate with people and arouse in them a spirit of cooperation …whether it’s an employee, a boss, a coworker, a customer, a client in your business or a business partner.

You may want a better relationship or a less stressful work environment, but if you can’t resolve conflicts and issues with people successfully, you will never truly achieve the positive results you want.

You may have good ideas, but if you can’t enlist the support and willingness of others, those ideas aren’t going to be accepted or acted upon, no matter who you’re dealing with.

Good people skills produce good results… in any walk of life.

After years of experience I realized that the UNDERLYING TRUTH about why we have so much difficulty being successful when dealing with people and relationships is…

Your automatic unconscious reactions prevent you from being confident and assertive!

That’s right! I’ve learned that no matter how much information you have and no matter how much you know about dealing with people, if you try to deal with people while feeling even slightly angry, afraid, unhappy or stressed, you will always AUTOMATICALLY do the wrong thing!

If you say or do anything from a negative emotion, you will always have a negative outcome in the end …Even if you had good intentions in the first place!

The reason that people FEEL difficult to deal with is precisely because they trigger our negative emotions. In other words, they “push our buttons” …even momentarily.

When someone pushes our buttons they are touching a sensitive spot in us, which triggers a negative emotional reaction. The result is the “fight or flight response” – we either feel angry and annoyed at the person or we want to escape and avoid them.

We can also have a “freeze” response, which is often experienced as a momentary lack of confidence or an inability to be assertive.

These reactions are instinctual and automatic self-preservation responses, which are deeply programmed within your psyche.

Numerous psychological studies have shown that the stress emotions, such as anger, frustration, anxiety or fear, interfere with your performance. In other words, your negative emotions actually interfere with your ability to solve problems and your ability to show assertive behavior.

Most people can understand this when the emotion is extremely intense… Just think about “stage fright” and how it affects someone’s performance. But most people don’t realize that even BRIEF negative emotions cause us to be ineffective, too, by making us say and do things that we regret later.

But it gets even worse!

These momentary emotions cause you to say things that you wish you hadn’t said, or make impulsive decisions that you later regret.

Then, your negative reactions, even small ones, trigger negative emotions in the other person! And in the exact same way, the person you are dealing with reacts negatively as well.

It all develops into a nice little vicious cycle that I call, “The Difficult People Tango”.

Sound familiar? Watch for it. You’ll see it in the way people react to someone who is being difficult.

But you DON’T have to be caught in your automatic reactions any longer…and it all starts with this one simple concept!

There is a hidden source of power within you.

Within each of us there is a secret reserve of creativity, wisdom and power that can come to your aid, if you know how to tap into it.

I became aware of this phenomenon during my years of work using clinical hypnosis with my patients. It always amazed me to see the things that people were capable of doing in hypnosis… things they had NO IDEA could ever be possible!

This hidden power can also appear in times of crisis. For example, Bob, a friend of mine, fell off the ferry into the ocean without anyone seeing him.

Nearly drowning, he heard a calm clear voice speak to him, “300 strokes, Bob… 300 strokes”. Bob miraculously found reserves of strength from within to swim over 8 1/2 hours throughout the night until he was eventually rescued the next morning!

I experienced the phenomenon myself when I was struggling with a difficult relationship issue. Using a particular therapy technique on myself, I experienced a sudden change… a feeling of calm came over me… followed by a feeling of strength welling up from within!

I had discovered how to tap into my unconscious reservoir of strength and confidence in the face of a difficult interpersonal issue.

These sudden experiences of creativity, strength and confidence are what I call the “Wellspring Phenomenon”.

… learn how to use the Wellspring Phenomenon to enhance your success

Login to Ebook and Bonus Reports

dr.mark — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 23:32:25 +0000

If you purchased the ‘Secrets of Dealing with Difficult People’ ebook or the ‘Shrink in a Box’ program prior to November 14, 2010, you can gain access to your online ebook, bonus reports or help manual by pressing the LOGIN button below.

Also, these materials are now available as PDF files that you can download to your computer. You’ll see instructions after you login.

5 Effective Confidence Boosters That Will Help You Be More Successful Anytime Anywhere

dr.mark — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 02:41:50 +0000

1. Recognize That You Do Have a Choice Between Stressing Out or Being Strong and Confident
One thing that people often do not realize is that their emotions can and do change. Just because a situation may be automatically triggering anxiety, it doesn’t always have to be that way. There are things we can do to cause ourselves to feel differently.

So, one powerful confidence booster technique is to simply decide how you want to feel. Ask yourself, “Would I rather feel nervous, anxious or stressed in this situation? …or, calm, strong and confident?”

When you pause to think about which emotional state is going to help you be more successful in your challenging situation, it is usually obvious that feeling strong and confident will always produce a better result. So, decide whether you want to focus on feeling anxious and stressed or feeling strong and confident.

2. Clear Out One Corner of Your Junky Closet at a Time
Rather than letting yourself become overwhelmed by a challenge that is facing you, break it down into bite-size chunks.

Any situation that is triggering anxiety or stress (or any negative emotion for that matter) will feel easier if you can identify several smaller more manageable pieces to the problem.

For example, let’s say you’ve got a presentation to do. Preparing the information is one part – perhaps there are several parts if it’s a big presentation. Another part is rehearsing it – doing some dry runs just to get comfortable hearing yourself talk and giving yourself a chance to stumble over your words enough times until you get it right.

Maybe you record yourself speaking. Another part may be making sure you’ve got all the tools and materials you’ll need ahead of time.

This technique is used by mountain climbers to prevent themselves from feeling overwhelmed by the daunting task ahead – focusing on only the next 100 feet, then the next, and then the next until the peak has been conquered.

3. Identify the Positive Outcome You Want
Take a little time to really get clear about the positive outcome you want to create. Rather than just hoping that things turn out well or just “trying” to be more confident, become proactive and identify exactly what a positive outcome would look like. What would be happening? What would others be doing or saying? What would you be doing and how would you be feeling while you were doing it?

This is essentially the same as setting a goal, but don’t make the mistake of setting a goal that is the absence of a negative outcome. Goals like “not feeling anxious on my date” or “doing my performance without making a mistake” are negative. They conjure up negative images that you don’t want.

Phrase your goal positively… For example, “feeling good and having fun on my date” or “performing well and enjoying it”.

Then, visualize your positive outcome in detail. Positive images are great confidence boosters.

4. Connect to a Positive Experience From the Past – a Time When You Felt Confident and Happy and Blend it Into the Current Situation
If you think of some experience you’ve had in which you felt happy and confident you can use it to help boost your confidence in your current situation.

One woman I worked with blended the confident feelings from her West Coast hiking experience into her present divorce situation to generate a much stronger feeling of strength and confidence in overcoming her current set of obstacles and challenges.

I suggest that you close your eyes and visualize your positive experience and then blend the good feelings into your current problem situation.

I often have people tap their legs back and forth as they do this because it seems to help with the blending process. As you do this you will likely see a new and different way of handling your situation.

5. Mentally Practice
Whenever you learned to do anything in the past, you probably made several mistakes as you practiced before you eventually got it right. It’s no different with learning to be confident in a new situation. But you can shorten the learning process considerably by practicing it several times in your mind.

If you are realistic about it, you can picture making all your mistakes in your mind first (where it’s perfectly safe to make mistakes). Then, as you continue you will gradually figure out the right way to deal with your particular situation.

Visualizing a positive outcome is great, but it’s even better to mentally rehearse dealing with your challenging situation from start to finish several times.

.. read more

How to Cope with Difficult People

dr.mark — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 15:00:17 +0000

Here’s an important concept… You should not just “read about” dealing with difficult people.

Instead, take it a step further and actually CHANGE the way you feel and react! You’ll find that it makes a HUGE difference.

Here’s why…

By now you’ve probably read about the “Difficult People Tango” that I describe in Chapter 1 of “Secrets of Dealing with Difficult People”.

I’d like you to be aware of just how often these negative cycles can occur when you’re interacting with people (and not just difficult people).

Every time you have an argument with someone, even a minor one, or get mad at someone, you are experiencing the Difficult People Tango.

Each time you feel irritated by the same person more than three times in a week, even if you don’t say anything to them, you are probably experiencing the Difficult People Tango.

In fact, the Difficult People Tango can even take place inside our heads! Do you ever lay awake at night replaying a negative situation with someone and feeling your emotions getting triggered all over again?!

These negative interactional patterns all have one thing in common: Your negative emotions (i.e., anxiety, frustration, anger, feeling stressed, etc.) are being TRIGGERED by something that the other person is saying or doing – by some specific type of behavior of theirs…

…and without realizing it, your reaction (produced by your emotions) is very likely triggering some kind of negative reaction in them as well – even if your behavior is as minor as “just avoiding” them or being “cool” towards them.

The Difficult People Tango often takes place unconsciously, outside of our awareness. But you can become more aware of it simply by observing your emotional reactions to people.

When you feel anxious, or irritated, or stressed by someone, just make a mental note of it and then try to figure out EXACTLY what the other person is doing that is triggering these feelings in you.

Now, it’s very likely that your natural inclination will be to immediately try to get the other person to stop doing the thing that is triggering you …but that’s NOT the place to start. In fact, that’s the way to fail.

The place to start is with the Wellspring Method, which I’ve described for you in detail in the book.

What you should be aware of, however, is that I originally developed the Wellspring Method as an interactional coaching system in my office.

In other words, if you were here with me in my office, I’d be leading you through a series of steps and exercises that would help you shift out of your triggered negative emotions into a state of strength, confidence and calmness as you pictured dealing with the difficult person.

I encourage you to go ahead and use the guided Wellspring Method online and become even better at dealing with difficult people and stressful situations in your life.

Live Powerfully!
Dr Lauderdale

Do You Make These Mistakes when Dealing with Difficult People?

dr.mark — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 22:18:09 +0000

Take this quiz and find out!

A boss or supervisor angrily criticizes you in a condescending manner because you didn’t do something “correctly” (i.e., the way they wanted). You realize you could have done the task differently if you had been given the proper instructions and you’re uncomfortable with their angry intimidating approach. How do you respond?

Get mad and emphatically tell them that you don’t appreciate being spoken to so rudely and then tell them to please stop.

Do nothing at first. Complain about them later to your friends or coworkers. Consider filing a grievance against them with higher management.

Talk to them and try to get them to see how they contributed to the problem. Tell them calmly, “It’s not fair to get angry at me when you didn’t give me the proper instructions in the first place!”

Say, “If you get angry and rude I’ll probably get flustered and make more mistakes, but if you can be patient and respectful I’ll do my best. Which would you prefer?”

A friend or coworker has the annoying habit of always interrupting you in mid-sentence and talking over you. You feel angry because they are constantly controlling conversations in this manner. How do you bring up the issue with them?

Wait for just the right moment and when they interrupt you again say emphatically, “Stop interrupting me! That’s so rude!”

When they interrupt you comment in a light-hearted tone of voice, “I can’t help but notice that you’re interrupting me again. Are you worried about what I might have to say?”

Just avoid the person and find other friends who can communicate better.

Just accept the situation let them do all the talking. Eventually, they’ll become more interested in what you have to say.

You are a team leader and one of the members of your team often does not show up for meetings despite frequent reminders and yet you are accountable for the work they perform. How do you deal with their irresponsible attitude?

Meet with the person and explain that they are expected to attend meetings even if it seems like a waste of time to them.

Approach them and say, “I can’t help but notice that you weren’t at the meeting. Is there a problem?”

Talk to the employee and explain that since they didn’t come to the meeting you assumed they were on top of things and would be OK with whatever was decided. Since there was an extra piece of work that no one else felt they could take on, you decided that it would be OK to pass it to them.

Tell them that their irresponsible attitude reflects on the entire team and that you all have to work together.

A coworker is saying negative things about you behind your back and seems to be trying to undermine your position. You think they want to take over your job or get you fired. What do you do?

Confront them by making it clear that you are onto them, that you won’t tolerate backstabbing and that if they want a fight then they’ve got one.

Complain to the management about this person’s manipulative behavior and give them detailed examples.

Talk to other people in your workplace and explain to them what is happening in order to get them on your side.

Talk to people in your workplace and explain that you know the person is saying negative things about you, but you understand because they obviously must find it hard to be up front about issues of concern to them.

When dealing with someone who frequently complains and usually has a negative attitude (i.e., they usually complain about what is wrong rather than appreciating what’s going right), what do you do?

Say something like, “Oh, put a sock in it! Quit being such a complainer!”

When they complain about something join in and add your own criticism or complaint about the thing they are complaining about. Then strongly suggest that they talk to the person, write a letter or do some other thing to really address the issue.

Just sigh and try to change the topic and accept that they’ll never change.

Say, “Things just aren’t going right for you today.” Then, the next time say, “Things just aren’t going well for you today are they?” Then, the next time, “Boy things just aren’t going your way, are they” and the next time, “Things are still not going very well. Is something wrong?”

Are you currently dealing with a difficult person? If so, who?

What type of difficult behavior are they showing?

When they are being difficult, do you usually.

Feel angry, annoyed or frustrated?

Feel nervous, worried or afraid?

Feel overwhelmed or stressed?

Feel calm and confident?

How intense are your negative emotions in this situation on a scale of 0 to 10 with 10 being the most intense? (i.e., frustration, anxiety, anger, hurt, stress, etc).

That’s it! Now, just enter your name and email address below and your quiz results will be emailed to you IMMEDIATELY along with the answer key where you’ll get detailed information about each test question.

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