Turning Conflict into Cooperation

A Moving Story About a Resentful Father and His Step-Daughter

“I bought your book less than two weeks ago and am having a great respectful relationship with my wife’s daughter who was 15 when we first married. We went thru some tough years then became friends but after a bad marriage of her own which included some physical but mostly emotional abuse she was forced to move back in with us. I am not sure if it was her vulnerable mental state or my lack of understanding but we soon went from concerned loved ones to resentful adversaries. We saw each other as evil plotters against the other. Nothing either of us did was right in the other’s mind.

I read your book and gained a better understanding of myself and my stepdaughter. I started out like most people by doing a search for difficult people hoping someone could help me fix her. As I read your book it all seemed so simple and fell into place. I kept thinking why didn’t I realize this earlier. Well as you know I was stuck in the difficult people tango where there are no solutions.

I started out trying to help a difficult person and instead have brought myself to a new level of understanding of myself and my faults and a new ability to empathize with and respect not only my step daughter but all people I interact with on a daily basis.

I also realize that this early success is just a start and that by practicing the methods I have learned I can keep from backsliding into old and tired negative behavior. I can’t change the past but I can build the the future. Thank you so much for the work you do.

Secrets of Dealing With Difficult People‘: $17
An old friend and her one year old granddaughter: PRICELESS

– Bill”

…It’s hard to know what to add after a story like that. I guess the point is that changing the way you FEEL about people changes your reactions, which leads to results you might never expect!

All problems with people and difficult situations trigger some degree of emotional stress. But, how do you tell if your emotional reactions are adding to the problem?

To determine whether your emotional state is interfering with your handling of a situation, do the following:

1. Think of a stressful situation in your life (this may include a situation with a difficult person),

2. Now picture being in this problem situation again in the future,

3. Rate your level of negative emotion (0 to 10: 10 is the highest) if you were in the situation again,

4. Now ask yourself this…
“When you are faced with this difficult situation in the future, will you handle it better feeling angry, anxious or stressed… or calm, strong and confident?”

You will probably see that dealing with the situation feeling calm and confident would be much more likely to produce the result you want.

If your level of emotion was 4/10 or higher… then you should use an emotion clearing technique BEFORE you deal with your problem situation or difficult person.

By using the Wellspring Method personal effectiveness system you can clear up your stress and overcome your difficulty in a matter of days or weeks rather than months or years, which is exactly what happens when negative emotions drag you down and get in the way of your progress.

Here are a few examples of problem situations that might be creating emotional stress for you…

– getting results with a difficult person
– managing conflict
– neutralizing harassment or bullying
– dealing with someone’s ineffectiveness or laziness
– doing presentations confidently
– being confident and relaxed in social situations
– coping with pressures, changes and other stresses in the workplace
– managing children and teenagers calmly and effectively
– overcoming worries and fears of any kind
– communicating more effectively with your spouse, coworker or customer
– resolving the internal conflict associated with stressful life situations…

…In fact, the list of difficult situations in life that trigger some degree of stress or anxiety is endless! But, if you think about it, you’ll handle ANY situation better if you’re feeling strong and confident.

Here’s how to apply the Wellspring Method to your situation ..

Live Powerfully!
Dr Lauderdale

Posted in Confidence, Dealing with People.

Dr. Lauderdale has had over 35 years experience as a child and adolescent psychiatrist using a variety of therapeutic methods including psychotherapy, hypnosis, Eye Movement and Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), motivational psychology, medication and family therapy. He has specialized in helping children with fears and anxiety disorders.

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