Here’s an important concept… You should not just “read about” dealing with difficult people.
Instead, take it a step further and actually CHANGE the way you feel and react! You’ll find that it makes a HUGE difference.
By now you’ve probably read about the “Difficult People Tango” that I describe in Chapter 1 of “Secrets of Dealing with Difficult People”.
I’d like you to be aware of just how often these negative cycles can occur when you’re interacting with people (and not just difficult people).
Every time you have an argument with someone, even a minor one, or get mad at someone, you are experiencing the Difficult People Tango.
Each time you feel irritated by the same person more than three times in a week, even if you don’t say anything to them, you are probably experiencing the Difficult People Tango.
In fact, the Difficult People Tango can even take place inside our heads! Do you ever lay awake at night replaying a negative situation with someone and feeling your emotions getting triggered all over again?!
These negative interactional patterns all have one thing in common: Your negative emotions (i.e., anxiety, frustration, anger, feeling stressed, etc.) are being TRIGGERED by something that the other person is saying or doing – by some specific type of behavior of theirs…
…and without realizing it, your reaction (produced by your emotions) is very likely triggering some kind of negative reaction in them as well – even if your behavior is as minor as “just avoiding” them or being “cool” towards them.
The Difficult People Tango often takes place unconsciously, outside of our awareness. But you can become more aware of it simply by observing your emotional reactions to people.
When you feel anxious, or irritated, or stressed by someone, just make a mental note of it and then try to figure out EXACTLY what the other person is doing that is triggering these feelings in you.
Now, it’s very likely that your natural inclination will be to immediately try to get the other person to stop doing the thing that is triggering you …but that’s NOT the place to start. In fact, that’s the way to fail.
The place to start is with the Wellspring Method, which I’ve described for you in detail in the book.
What you should be aware of, however, is that I originally developed the Wellspring Method as an interactional coaching system in my office.
In other words, if you were here with me in my office, I’d be leading you through a series of steps and exercises that would help you shift out of your triggered negative emotions into a state of strength, confidence and calmness as you pictured dealing with the difficult person.
I encourage you to go ahead and use the guided Wellspring Method online and become even better at dealing with difficult people and stressful situations in your life.